You’re Not Meant To Do This Alone

Whether you're navigating your first semester on campus or pacing the floor with a newborn at 3 AM, one truth remains: you’re not meant to do this alone. Both college life and new parenthood are full of change, uncertainty, and emotional overwhelm. They’re also two of the most lonely periods in life, even though you’re often surrounded by people. And in our hyper-connected digital world, it’s easy to mistake scrolling for support. But what most of us need isn't more content, it’s more connection. From an Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT) lens, our relationships aren’t just “nice to have.” They’re often values-driven, meaning they align with what matters most: being present, feeling seen, and showing up for the people we care about.

Why Community Matters

ACT teaches us that pain is a normal part of life, but how we respond to that pain is what shapes our experience. When we’re struggling (with identity, sleep deprivation, loneliness, anxiety), our minds often say, “You’re the only one feeling this,” or “No one else is this overwhelmed.” That’s your brain trying to protect you, but it often ends up isolating you.

Community helps break that spell. Just being around others who are going through similar things reminds us: I’m not broken, I’m human.

Signs of a Supportive Relationship

It’s not about having a huge social circle. It’s about finding a few people with whom you can be real. Here’s how to recognize those connections:

• They make room for your full experience. You don’t feel pressure to “have it all together.”

• You leave interactions feeling more energized, not drained.

• They listen more than they fix. Sometimes the best support is just being heard.

• You can show up imperfectly. And so can they.

In ACT terms, these are people who help you live in alignment with your values—like honesty, compassion, and presence.

Tips for Finding and Maintaining Connection

Whether you're starting college or adjusting to life as a parent, here are a few ACT-informed strategies to help you cultivate community:

1. Get clear on your values.

Ask yourself: What kind of relationships matter to me? How do I want to show up for others? When you connect with your values, you make choices that bring you closer to the life you want, even if they feel scary at first.

2. Make small, consistent moves.

In ACT, we call these committed actions, tiny steps that align with your values, even in the presence of discomfort. For example:

• Join a campus club or parent support group, even if you feel nervous.

• Text a friend to check in, even if you’re tired or unsure how it’ll be received.

• Say “yes” to a study group, playground meet-up, or coffee date.

Discomfort doesn’t mean you’re doing it wrong, it usually means you’re doing something new.

3. Practice mindful presence.

When you are with someone, put down the phone. Make eye contact. Ask how they really are. That kind of presence builds trust and depth. In ACT, we call this contact with the present moment, and it’s a key ingredient in meaningful connection.

4. Allow imperfection.

Not every friendship will be lifelong. Some will fade. Some will feel awkward. That’s okay. The goal isn’t perfect relationships, it’s valued ones. Let go of needing to “get it right,” and instead focus on getting real.

5. Notice and defuse from unhelpful thoughts.

Your mind might say: They don’t really like me, I’m too different, Everyone else has friends already. ACT helps us see that thoughts are just thoughts, not facts. You don’t have to believe every thought your mind throws at you. Name it (“Ah, there’s the ‘I don’t belong’ story again”) and then act on your values, not your fear.

Final Thoughts

Whether you're adjusting to dorm life or diaper changes, connection isn’t just a luxury, it’s a lifeline. And while it can feel vulnerable to reach out, that vulnerability is often where the most meaningful relationships begin. So if your mind tells you to isolate, to keep it together, to not “burden” others, pause. Ask yourself: What do I really need right now? And if the answer is community, know this:

You're not weak for wanting people.
You're not failing for needing support.
You're simply human. And humans heal in connection.

Want help identifying your values or working through barriers to connection? I’m here for that. Therapy can be a powerful space to explore what meaningful relationships look like for you, and how to move toward them with intention. Learn more below.