Parenthood (emphasis on the parent)
The Challenges of Parenthood I Didn’t Expect, And How I Healed by Putting Myself First
After being a nanny for over a decade and before becoming a parent, I thought I had a decent idea of what to expect: sleepless nights, endless diaper changes, and a kind of love that would change me forever. All of that turned out to be true. But what caught me off guard were the emotional and mental challenges that came with it, the identity shift, the pressure to do it all, and the way unresolved parts of myself were suddenly impossible to ignore.
What surprised me most wasn’t the exhaustion (though it really did still take me by surprise as a parent to a kiddo who just doesn’t love sleep), it was how easy it became to lose myself to the demands of motherhood.
For a while, I went through the motions: caring for my child, trying to keep the household running, checking all the boxes. But inside, I felt like I was running on empty. I was short-tempered, overwhelmed, and disconnected from myself and my partner. I had spent so long trying to be everything for everyone else that I hadn’t realized how much of me I had left behind.
Eventually, I hit a breaking point. And it became clear that if I wanted to be the parent, and person, I aspired to be, I needed to start with myself.
While in school to become a therapist I was taught that self disclosure should be avoided, however, I share this story and the steps I took to heal in order to truly emphasize how much I can understand what you are going through and to model that there is hope and healing ahead! That said, here’s how I began to heal:
1. Putting Myself First (Without Guilt)
This was the hardest and most necessary shift. I had to learn that prioritizing my well-being wasn’t selfish, it was essential. I began setting boundaries around my time, energy, and emotional labor. I carved out space for rest, reflection, and joy, not because everything else was done, but because I mattered, too!
2. Facing Past Traumas and Healing My Anger
Parenthood triggered old wounds I didn’t even know were still open. I found myself reacting in ways that didn’t align with who I wanted to be, often with anger or reactivity. Through therapy, journaling, and intentional self-work, I began unpacking those layers. I learned to see my anger not as a flaw, but as a signal, pointing me toward pain I had not yet processed. Healing that pain has made me more patient, grounded, and compassionate, with my child, my partner, and myself.
3. Understanding Temperament and Not Self Comparing
Prior to meeting my son, I was the best parent out there. My child was going to sleep through the night, eat a variety of foods, never have screen time, and always follow directions. Because of these preconceived thoughts about my kiddo before I even met him, I was faced with the hard reality that temperament really does have an impact on quite literally everything. Things that worked for my friend’s kids or others I saw on the internet, just didn’t for my kid. Self comparison only put barriers between me and my supportive peers, or dug at my self esteem. Learning to let my kid be his own person, and my motherhood journey be my own journey had a profound impact on my resilience and self empowerment.
4. Strengthening My Relationships
Parenthood can put a strain on even the strongest relationships. My husband and I had to learn how to reconnect amidst chaos. We started communicating more openly about our needs and expectations, carving out time for each other, and learning to support one another not just as co-parents but as partners. It hasn’t always been easy, but the effort has deepened our bond in ways I never expected. And beyond that, as I gained confidence in myself and challenged myself to set boundaries with friends and family, it reinforced my confidence and comfort in them as supports.
5. Reclaiming My Relationship with Food and Movement
During the days of parenting, eating became about convenience, and exercise felt like burden on my already depleted energy. But as I started taking better care of myself emotionally, I realized my body needed care too, not in the name of perfection, but in the name of nourishment. I started addressing my hunger and feeding myself foods that made me feel alive. I read the book “Intuitive Eating” by Evelyn Tribole and Elyse Resch. I hired a personal trainer at a gym with child care, or pushed my kiddo in the stroller and started moving my body in ways that helped me reconnect with it. Slowly, my energy improved, and so did my self-esteem.
6. Getting Outside
Nature has a quiet way of reminding us who we are. I made it a point to get outside more, whether for a walk around the block, time in the garden, or simply sitting in the sun. The fresh air, movement, and change in scenery often shifted my entire mood. It helped me breathe deeper, think clearer, and remember that I was part of something bigger. It also helped me connect with values that I wanted to share with my kiddo. I want him to have a love for the outdoors and nature as much as I do. And at some point along my parenting journey I was told a quote that has forever stuck with me. “When the walls feel like they are caving in, drop them and get outside”. It nearly always solves whatever problem I am facing, almost instantly.
Parenthood didn’t just teach me how to care for my child, it taught me how to care for myself. The challenges I didn’t expect turned out to be invitations to heal, to grow, and to step into a version of myself that feels more whole and more real. I used to think being a “good parent” meant putting my needs last. Now I know that being a healthy parent, one who models resilience, compassion, and authenticity, starts with putting myself first.
If you are interested in discussing your parenthood journey more and how you can continue to support yourself through this journey with therapy, please reach out below to learn more.
