The Curse of Perfectionism
Perfectionism wears many disguises. It can look like a 4.0 GPA, an impossibly clean house, a tightly packed schedule, or a resume full of gold stars. On the surface, it might even be praised: “You’re so driven.” “You always go above and beyond.” But inside? Perfectionism is often accompanied by anxiety, shame, and a constant fear of not being “enough.” If this sounds familiar, you’re not alone, and you’re not broken. But you might be exhausted.
What Is Perfectionism, Really?
Perfectionism isn’t about high standards. It’s about feeling like your worth is tied to achievement, appearance, or performance. It’s a voice that says:
“You can’t make mistakes or people will see the real you.”
“If you rest, you’re lazy.”
“If it’s not perfect, it’s a failure.”
Underneath all of that is often a deeper wound, an old belief that love, safety, or belonging must be earned through being exceptional.
Why Perfectionism Is a Curse (Not a Superpower)
Perfectionism promises safety, control, and success. But the actual toll looks more like:
Chronic anxiety or burnout
Procrastination and self-sabotage
Difficulty making decisions (what if I choose wrong?)
Shame and self-criticism
Disconnection from joy, creativity, and spontaneity
The worst part? Even when you do succeed, perfectionism moves the goalpost. Nothing ever feels like “enough”, including you.
How Therapy Can Help You Untangle Perfectionism
You don’t need to get rid of the part of you that works hard or wants to do well. But therapy can help you relate to that part differently, with more compassion, curiosity, and freedom.
Here’s how:
ACT (Acceptance and Commitment Therapy)
ACT helps you notice the perfectionistic thoughts without getting tangled in them. Instead of trying to “fix” or silence them, you learn to observe them with mindfulness: “Ah, there’s my ‘not good enough’ story again.” ACT also helps you clarify your values, what truly matters to you beneath the pressure to be perfect, and take small, meaningful steps in that direction, even when fear shows up.
IFS (Internal Family Systems)
IFS recognizes that perfectionism is often a part of you,not all of you. That perfectionist part developed for a reason, maybe to protect you from criticism, shame, or chaos. Therapy helps you gently connect with that part and understand its fears, without letting it run the whole show. We also get to know the you underneath it all, the one who’s calm, creative, and compassionate.
EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing)
EMDR can help identify and heal the root memories or beliefs that fuel perfectionism, often moments where you felt unsafe, rejected, or like failure was unacceptable.
By processing those old wounds, you can loosen their grip on your present, allowing more freedom, ease, and flexibility in your life.
You’re Allowed to Be Human
You don’t have to earn rest. You don’t have to “deserve” joy. You’re not more lovable when you’re flawless. Perfectionism is a burden you were never meant to carry forever. And healing doesn’t mean becoming careless or unmotivated, it means becoming whole. Therapy can help you move from performance to presence, from pressure to purpose. If you’re ready to explore a life beyond perfectionism (one built on values, compassion, and authenticity) I’d be honored to walk that path with you. Reach out below to learn more.
