Why can’t I put my damn phone down?
A common theme that comes up with nearly all of my clients is how difficult it is to disconnect from technology. The constant scrolling, the dopamine hits from notifications, and the sense of missing out if we don’t stay updated keep us caught in a loop with our screens. At some point, we’ve all noticed (and probably judged) our own screen time. And we can probably collectively agree that too much of it often leaves us feeling anxious, drained, and strangely... less connected.
This shared worry sparked a reflection for me. What if instead of trying to "detox" from tech cold turkey or following rigid rules that don’t stick, we found ways to develop more mindful, individualized approaches to our technology and social media habits? In order to come up with a game plan let’s first take a moment to debunk some common myths about what reducing screen time is supposed to look like.
Myth 1: “I need to cut out screen time completely to be healthy.”
Not true. Technology is deeply woven into how we live and connect. The goal isn't total abstinence, it should be about how we use it. What if the goal was to feel more in control and intentional with your time?
Myth 2: “Everyone else has better discipline.”
You’re not alone. Many people struggle with screen use, yes, even those who seem like they’ve got it all together (like your therapist). The design of apps and social media platforms is literally intended to keep us hooked. This is a systems issue, not a character flaw!
Myth 3: “If I just get the right app/blocker/timer, I’ll stop overusing my phone.”
These tools can help, but they’re just part of the puzzle. Without understanding the emotional or situational reasons behind your scrolling, tech blockers usually end up being ignored or deleted and a waste of money.
So What Does Help? First, a quick exercise:
Think back to the last time you picked up your phone and felt like you just couldn’t put it down.
What was happening in that moment?
Were you trying to distract yourself? Looking for connection? Trying to avoid something? Or was it just habit.
Becoming aware of why we reach for our devices is the first step in changing our relationship with them.
Here are a few ideas that tend to resonate with clients and that you can experiment with:
Name the “Why.” Start noticing your urges. Is it boredom? Loneliness? Avoidance? Simply identifying the why can reduce its power over you.
Make it visual. If you don’t yet know your “why”, track your screen time for a week without judgment. Just notice. Awareness is a powerful motivator for change and again a step towards knowing how to intervene.
Try “Tech Breaks,” not “Tech Fasts.” Instead of banning screens for a day, try carving out 30-minute or 1-hour blocks where you intentionally engage in something else. Let yourself succeed in small ways.
Create a “soft landing” for your evenings. Many people struggle most with screen use at night. Try replacing your phone with a book, a podcast, or even just low-effort journaling to wind down.
Personalize your plan. Your needs and triggers are unique. What works for one person might not work for you, and that’s okay. This isn’t about finding the perfect system; it’s about experimenting until something sticks.
Technology isn’t going anywhere. But it is possible to develop a healthier relationship with it. One where you are in the driver’s seat. We just have to approach ourselves with kindness and patience as we pick up a new skill!
