Talking Back to Impostor Syndrome
Let’s talk about that sneaky little voice in your head that whispers (or sometimes shouts), “You’re not good enough,” “You don’t belong here,” or the classic, “Someone’s going to figure out you’re a fraud.” Sound familiar? If so, you’re not alone. That voice has a name, impostor syndrome, and it shows up for more people than you’d think, especially in times of transition and growth.
As a therapist who works with college students and folks navigating the perinatal period (pregnancy, postpartum, and beyond), I see impostor syndrome show up in all kinds of ways. It doesn’t care if you’re a first year college student trying to find your footing, a new graduate taking a leap into your new career, or a new mom wondering why everyone else seems to have it all together. Impostor syndrome has a talent for planting seeds of self doubt in the most tender moments.
What Is Impostor Syndrome, Really?
At its core, impostor syndrome is the belief that you're not as competent or capable as others think you are. You may chalk your successes up to luck, timing, or people “being nice,” rather than your own hard work, intelligence, or perseverance. It often hits hardest when you care deeply about doing well, whether it’s academically, professionally, or as a parent.
For college students, impostor syndrome might sound like:
“Everyone else here is so smart. I must have slipped through admissions by accident.”
“If I ask for help, people will realize I don’t belong.”
For new parents or parents-to-be:
“I have no idea what I’m doing. Other moms make it look so easy.”
“Shouldn’t I be bonding with my baby more? What’s wrong with me?”
These thoughts are painful. And the worst part? They’re usually built on myths, not facts.
You're Not Alone! Seriously!
I wish you could sit with me in session and hear how many people say these things. Brilliant, thoughtful, compassionate people. People who are doing the best they can in unfamiliar, overwhelming territory. It’s not a personal failing or deficit, it’s part of the growing process.
Imposter syndrome thrives in silence. It loves when we keep it hidden, when we assume everyone else has it figured out. But the truth is, you’re not alone, and you’re not broken.
How to Start Talking Back to That Voice
Name It. Just saying “Oh, hey, this is impostor syndrome,” can take some of its power away. You don’t have to believe every thought you have.
Reality Check with a Trusted Person. Find someone safe to share your doubts with, a therapist like myself, a friend, a mentor. Often, just voicing those thoughts out loud helps reveal how distorted they are.
Own Your Wins. Keep a list of things you’re proud of, no matter how small. Made it through a tough week? That counts! Got the baby to nap? Miracle! Passed a test you studied hard for? Amazing!
Practice Self-Compassion. Talk to yourself like you would talk to a friend in the same situation. You deserve that kindness, too.
Remember: Growth Feels Uncomfortable. If you’re stretching and learning and growing, it’s normal to feel unsure sometimes. It doesn’t mean you’re failing, it means you’re in motion.
Impostor syndrome might show up uninvited, but it doesn’t have to run the show. Whether you’re navigating campus life or adjusting to life with a new baby (or both!), know this: you belong here! You’re doing enough! And you’re not tricking anyone, you're just growing!
